Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
