her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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