I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Houston, we have a blender
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize