My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
