I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
