Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
