last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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