We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
