I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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