id be glad to
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize