This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
this is an emotional support booty call
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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