I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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