Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
