I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
