Non-Jews are for practice
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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