and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
