make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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