I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
