We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
