I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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