If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
