I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
