I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
