dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
FUCK WHALES
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
