i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
