at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
