Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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