i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
