the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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