The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
