I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
