i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
