I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
