Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
