He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize