You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I need a burrito and a hug.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
