I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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