Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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