Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
