Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
