my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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