dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
