Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
