So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
