You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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