Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize