Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
