went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize