So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize