Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
