remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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