No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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