this beer tastes like vomit already
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
