summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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