we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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