he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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