Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is it because I queefed?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
