So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
