It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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