We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
