You smell like a Billy Joel song
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
