I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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