I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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