My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
