what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
