someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
