At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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