My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
